
Then when my parents got sick, once again I was right there, nursing my mother through metastatic cancer that took her life a short 2 months after diagnosis, and then stepping in again when COPD took my father 2 years later. Now it is my husband's mother, who at 87 has diabetes, kidney issues, Parkinsons, and spinal stenosis! So now when I have health problems, I guess I expect everyone around me to act just like I did for them-fat chance! I think they are all in denial, or maybe my expectations are just too high, I don't know. Just feels like they all think I'm a hypochondriac, and my middle son even said so not too long ago-boy, did that hurt, after all I've seen him through.

I try to tell myself that it's just too scary for my husband and kids to consider I may not be there someday to take care of them, but then sometimes I just think they are all too damn selfish to consider it. Take for instance this trip to the VA hospital for my husband's annual check-up. On our way here, he had a bowel accident (and he'd kill me if he knew I was telling anyone!) and he insisted we stop somewhere to get him cleaned up. I really thought he'd be ok to make the rest of the trip, and it's not like here on the spinal cord unit they haven't had to deal with that before. But he stopped at the next exit, went to a motel, handed me the credit card and told me to get a room. I did as requested, then helped him get cleaned up like the good caregiver I am. Ok, so then we get here, and the VA "hospitality house" had no available rooms for me to stay nearby in. Did he give me the credit card to go get a hotel room for me to rest and get cleaned up in?? Guess?
Now why am I in the dayroom at midnight, where I have slept the last 2 nights and will sleep again tonight?? And the VA highly frowns on this, but the nurses are being kind and ignoring me staying here. The first night here I spent lying on the couch with tears running down my face, at the thought my dear husband could be so unfeeling and uncaring.
So there. I needed to unload somewhere, and this post just happened to be here tonight. Now it's time to go find my spot on the dayroom couch and get comfortable ?? for another night. (Our last here, hopefully, he's supposed to be released tomorrow) I try not to think of what sleeping on the couch with my head and neck on the armrest is doing to my Chiari. I had severe dizzy spells on the way here, while he was having his accident, but I just socked down 2 dramamine and kept going...! And then the low blood sugar crisis I mentioned in the pituitary post. So I am getting warning signs, loud and clear, and just keep ignoring them. If I make it through the holidays without a major breakdown, I'll be doing well. And I did it anyways, turned this into a major rant, so I hope you all will forgive me and chalk it up to a bad couple of days. I know it's not all his fault, that I contribute to it, but sometimes it's just ridiculous.
Pain-free and peaceful sleep to all,
SheilaMarie