Being in a relationship when you're ill

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Re: Being in a relationship when you're ill

Postby JeffinMI77 » Mon Apr 23, 2012 11:44 pm

Cyborg I understand you 100%...I am a 34 y.o single guy that has no income, lives with his parents, and doesn't have a car. I've had to give up everything when my employer forced me to resign due to my absences. I just applied for Social Security. After the end of the month I will no longer have health issurance.

I have a hard enough getting my family and friends to understand me let alone someone i'm interested in dating. I'm thankful to an extent that I don't have kids to support but also scared that i'll die alone. My sister has broke down in tears several times recently when she realized that not only does she have to care for her aging disabled parents but also her 34yo brother.

My parents and I are like a little handicapped team ( we have to keep our humor) and we'll make it for as long as we can but hopefully my SS will get approved that first try or we are screwed! I won't give up hope that i'll meet someone someday and I can have as normal of a life as possible. All my work experience is quite physical so my choice to apply for disability was partly based on the idea that if I reduce that amount of stress on my mind and body maybe i'll stay mobile alot longer.

Best of luck to you and I'm always here to lend an hear( we're on a computer so I guess that would be an eye? :-) )

Jeff
syrinx x2 T7-T8 to T9, and T11-T12 to T12-L1...also bulging disc at T4-T5, T6-T7, and T8-T9.
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Re: Being in a relationship when you're ill

Postby Beverley » Tue May 15, 2012 10:00 am

Yeah, This really hits home right now. My marriage of almost 20 years ended last month. My husband declared he was in love with my not so "Best Friend". He said now that he knows what love is.... We got married for all the wrong reasons... But the truth of the matter is he has done little to help me or understand my double whammy of a Health nightmare. I have CM & SM and I also have Dopa-Responsive Dystonia (DRD). I have to use a walker to get around and he really was having a time with the fact that there are just things I can no longer do. Insomnia along with Sleep Apnea was not helping anything either.

He basically gets to leave me with the all of our bills so he can start over. He had not worked in close to five years and finally got a job this past October when we basically ran out of mny. He had spendt my inheritance to keep afloat if the last five years. So now he is gone and there is a very real chance that I could end up losing everything, my home and even my job if I cannot find an affordable place to live around here. Most people pay rent higher than my Mortgage. I am disabled but he is entitled to a third of the equity in the house and a third of my retirement annuity and on top of that he wants all the tools that are needed to keep up the house and yard maintenace. He doesn't have to do a thing. Nothing is in his name to he gets to walk away while I cannot even afford the medication I need because I have to pay the bills. If I had know the laws before this I don't think I would have married him. But leagally it is all on his side. He looks like a stay at home Mom and I look like the provider of the family and I am the disabled one. Boy do I feel used and to many other words to list.

I guess I am just another statistic in this area. I know what goes around comes around and I can't wait for that. But for the time being I am definitely feeling a little more defeated and depressed. It seems that everyone deserves to be happy but it does not matter how many people are trampled in route to their happiness. With friends like I have it seems that I don't need any enemies.
Decompression Surgery Feb 8, 2008 w/Duraplasty & Laminectomy C-1&2
Cervical Disc Fusion 11/08 C5&6/6&7- Mild Disc Bulge L2-Focal Hemangioma
L2-L5-Lipoma 3mm L4&L5-Disc Bulge T11&T12-DDD
Dopa-Responsive Dystonia (DRD)
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Re: Being in a relationship when you're ill

Postby Dcuster » Wed May 16, 2012 1:27 pm

Hi cyborg, I have not been on here in a long time I live in Tallahassee, Fla where you use to live at one time. Remember the Cheryl Dunlap case? anyways, I was married for 25 yr's and he did not care one bit about my illness in fact he thought he could help me out and push me to the floor several times after several surgeries etc, we are divorced now for 2 yr's and I met the sweetest, kindest man I have every met. We have been together every day since the first day we met, we are getting married on Nov. 23rd of this year. He's a design Eng. with the County here and his son is a FHP Trooper. He takes really good care of me and all he requires of me is to be here for him and do what I can and just take care of myself. I do not have to work and we do everything together so it's a piece of cake. We try and walk some every day if it's to hot he takes me to the mall and we walk there. He is very considerate about how I am feeling each day. He knows I take medications and he knows I am disabled. We talk about my illness from time to time it's just better not to dwell on it I have found. I told him upfront and he has been ok with that from the beginning. When I met him I did not know him or anything, I met him on mingle2.com a friend suggested to me. In three days he contacted me and we have been together since that day. It's like we have known each other for ever. I have never heard him say a unkind word about anything or anyone. I have to say he is a keeper and I hope you all will find someone as special as I have found. I even stopped smoking the day I met him so that has been over 2 yrs now so if he can get me to do that then I am staying lol.
SM t10-T12 2.5 x 1.1 cm in dia, thorasic shunt 2002,
Pineal Cyst, C5-C6 fusion 2005, Lumbar L2-L6 w/4 level fusion with hardware 2006, adrenal gland tumor, 7-8 thyroid nodules, 2008 C4-C7 Corepectomy with hardware.
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Re: Being in a relationship when you're ill

Postby Dcuster » Wed May 16, 2012 1:57 pm

Wow Beverly, I am so sorry I do know what it's like. I am the one who walked away but only my X spent all my 21 yrs of retirement without me knowing paying off the morg and car's ahead of time then he started driving me out. I took three of the bills with me and because I was disabled I qualified for section 8 hud housing for the elderly or disabled. It was based on my income on disability so I only had to pay like $159 a month for a full size apartment. It was in a three story building with around the clock security guards etc. For the money you could not beat it. I was there for 1 month before I met Tom. So call around and see if any have any low cost housing for the disabled/elderly. Every City, County & State has them. It's a Federal Program I think it's called section 8 for low income people.

As for you taking all the bills, that's not right, marriage is 50/50 on all bills no matter who's name they are in. When you do your divorce if not already it will clearly ask what bills you want to pay and what bill's you want him to pay and the judge will decide etc. Given the fact that he had the affair, I am sure the judge is going to make it easier on you with you being disabled. Not only that, he could have to pay you each month. You will also qualify for Federal Aid for attorney's but it could take some time. Maybe about 3 or 4 months to get divorced. Don't agree to all the bill's just because they are in your name, he lived there and was married so he own's half of them.

I do know that if you own the house then you will not qualify for the section 8 housing, you will need to sell the house first or give it back etc. I do know that the housing here for where I lived had opening all the time, in fact they had 3 opening and I was in there within 2 weeks. Worked out great for me. Just hold your head up and be positive and things will work out. I wish you all the luck with what's ahead.
SM t10-T12 2.5 x 1.1 cm in dia, thorasic shunt 2002,
Pineal Cyst, C5-C6 fusion 2005, Lumbar L2-L6 w/4 level fusion with hardware 2006, adrenal gland tumor, 7-8 thyroid nodules, 2008 C4-C7 Corepectomy with hardware.
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